The Story of Us

While I can’t remember the exact first moment I laid eyes on Matthew, I do remember that night. A number of years post college but before serving on staff with Cru, I would attend the annual Winter Conference on New Year’s Eve to spend time with many of my friends who were working for Cru. New Year’s Eve 2010 was no exception and I found myself loading up in the car, with many of these friends, to head to dinner. As luck would have it, the cute boy I’d spotted less than hours before would be joining us. Sadly, I’d learned that he did in fact have a girlfriend. 

I think we were introduced, I know we sat at opposite ends of the dinner table and other than that I can’t remember much else. He has said that he maybe remembers meeting me that night. To be fair, he was dating someone else at the time and I figure that’s an acceptable enough reason for him to have not recognized his dream girl sitting right in front of him. Not quite 18 months later, I would attend a surprise party for one of those same friends from Cru. I would also make note that the cute boy from Winter Conference was invited. I had no idea if he was still in a relationship nor could I have guessed that our second “first meeting” would be the start of our forever. 

Before meeting Matthew, my grandad, known affectionately as Papap was the male spiritual giant in my life. I don’t know that he could have been any taller than maybe 5’9”, but to me he was larger than life. I so very deeply adored him. The child of a single mom, for the first seven years of life, he was the only father figure in my life. I know he wasn’t perfect, but in my eyes, he could do little wrong.

I have vivid and cherished memories of breakfasts with him at Dunkin Donuts and Bojangles. Sometimes on Saturday’s, Papap would take my sister and I down a few blocks to a local gas station. More like a corner store, there he would treat us to little toys. To most they would have been worthless junk; to us they were tiny treasures given to us by our stand in dad. I’m confident he spoiled us with candy, he loved to tell jokes and I remember watching baseball and WWE with him; the latter much to the objection from my Mom and my grandma.  A retired pastor, he loved the Lord deeply and desired to see the same be true for each of us.

A reality I know not everyone has, I consider myself incredibly fortunate that my Papap was a part of my life until the age of 28. Having received a terminal diagnosis only a couple of weeks before, on March 18th, 2012 he met his Savior face to face. Ten years later, even just typing that, I’m weighed down with all sorts of emotion. Grief, while having evolved, still exists as I recognize the loss of not getting to have him here. I am also able to rejoice knowing that he is now full and complete, without the hardship and heartache that life here on Earth can bring. I’m grateful that some day I know we’ll be together again. 

I can no longer remember why, but to this day, whenever I hear the song Because He Lives I always think about my Papap. He loved singing and he loved hymns. It’s possible that it was a favorite of his and I knew it. I honestly just can no longer remember. Maybe, amidst a devastating loss the words were a deep comfort to my soul.

But greater still the calm assurance: This child can face uncertain days because He lives! Because he lives I can face tomorrow. Because he lives all fear is gone. Because I know he holds the future. And life is worth the living just because he lives.

Although I was already an adult when my Papap died, and I knew my day to day life wouldn’t change, it was easy to feel a sense of uncertainty having lost this dad-like figure in my life. It was never that I didn’t want to go on, instead just a difficulty of having to imagine what life might be like not getting to share with him the good things I hoped were yet to come. I would now be without the spiritual encouragement and example he had always been to me.

But God. He held all of my future, including one of eternal salvation, far more beautiful and wonderful than just having my Papap a part of my life. Christ’s willing death on the cross and his resurrection had shown to all that he is merciful, supreme and sovereign, good and gracious and so, so very much more. And, in spite of my own brokenness he made a way for me to spend eternity in Heaven with Him. This was all so very visible as he continued to write my story.

I don’t believe in coincidences and I have great certainty there is nothing in this life outside of the Lord’s hands. He is in the small details as much as the big ones. While I will always selfishly wish that God had waited just a little longer before he took my grandad home, what will never be lost on me is that when the Lord removed from my life the most godly man I’d ever known, he so quickly brought me to the one I will have for the rest of my life.

Less than two months after the passing of my grandad, I would re-meet Matthew. One year and five days later, we would get married, on my Papap and Grandma’s anniversary. One of my greatest earthly losses is that neither of them will ever know Matthew or our girls. I remember deciding that if they were still alive when I finally got married, should health prohibit them from travel, I would plan to get married in their retirement home. The party otherwise known as a reception could wait. There is no one else I wanted there more. Had Papap lived just one more year, I would have been honored to push his wheelchair, fully gowned, down the aisle of my wedding so he could’ve been part of giving me away.  To me, that just felt right. 

Still, what a kind and abundant gift my grieving heart was given nearly ten years ago. How merciful and loving for God to see my pain and offer even a small glimpse of the wholeness and healing I, like my Papap has, will someday receive. There was such an intentional knowing and care he showed when giving to me Matthew so shortly after losing my Papap.

Loss of any sort is hard. And life on this earth will have brokenness. It’s possible you are in a season of heartache or struggle yourself – I’d be lying if I said I didn’t currently find myself there. I will never pretend to understand all of the Lord’s ways. I also don’t think we should expect to. After all, then, he wouldn’t be God. What I do know, however, is that he has never changed. Never. Ever. He is still kind and merciful and compassionate. There is nothing outside of his control and all of his ways are good. I couldn’t have imagined a decade ago, on this day, that only a month and a half later I would experience joy and sweetness in stark contrast to the grief and great loss I felt.

But God knew. He did for me then and he does for me now. The same is true for each of you.

Trust with me today that because God lives there is nothing now, or in the future you can’t face, because of what Christ has done. Our hope is far beyond what this world could ever offer. The Lord continues to write the story of us. The same God who breathed the stars into place has his sovereign and powerful hand over every moment of our lives. His ways and plans are more captivating and full than anything we could ever envision for ourselves.

How kind of the Father to give us earthly treasures, like grandparents, husbands and more. He really does show his care of us in so many tangible ways. Even with that in mind, my prayer is that I will cherish the Giver so much more than the gifts. I pray that my desire for Christ will always be more than my desire for even the sweetest of earthly things. I hope that in heartache and healing I will see the Lord for who he is. I want to be keenly aware of how he is at work. My heart is that I will glorify God, more and more in my story, because He alone is worthy.

I pray the same for each of you.

“I’ve been having a really hard time.”

Personally, I love Valentine’s Day and I have for as long as I can remember. Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and a Monday. Mondays –  I probably don’t love them as much. While I wouldn’t describe myself as loathing them and especially as a “stay at home mom” (though can anyone tell me when the stay at home part starts?) each day, including Monday, typically possesses more flex and less rhythm. The weekends though, are when hubs and kids are home, too and we all get to do things together. And because my life is certainly better with my people and the room for more fun that weekends offer, when they end, I can sometimes find myself relating to a Monday-est Monday feeling like so many others.

Now picture it, yesterday afternoon, and me in Target grabbing a couple last minute things for Valentine’s Day. It was madness and all of the lines, including self-checkout, were booming. Not wanting to wait twenty minutes to checkout, and in no real rush, I decided to wander the aisles of Target a little bit more until things had calmed down. I mean, that actually sounds a lot more like an unexpected treat than a punishment.

A bit later, and obviously with a few more things in my hands, (hello, it’s Target, people) I walked back up to the front to find a good number of more checkout stations less busy. Wanting to purchase a gift card, I decided to opt for a trained cashier rather than trusting in myself to ring things up correctly. If you’re familiar with Wilmington’s Target checkout, there are two registers in each row. While both, in each aisle, are not always open, yesterday, I spotted an open lane at the end of a row. Jackpot! Only, as my husband pointed out, is kind of a design flaw, the other checkout station, the one further from the exit doors and closer to me, was also open and with three people in line.

I thought it seemed obvious that they were two separate lanes. They do have two different numbers, after all. However, not wanting to unintentionally stir the pot, and in no real rush, I opted to check in with the third of the ladies, in the first line, to ask if she wanted to go ahead to the open one. I was admittedly surprised and mostly speechless when she responded with something along the lines of “I think they’re all one line”. 

Ummmmm. No. No. I don’t think they are, madam…I said to myself in my head. What now, I also thought. In trying to be polite, I had inadvertently created another problem. I really didn’t know what to say or do. Should I stand behind her for another 10 minutes or go around her to the open lane? What felt like a whole minute, but  realistically was about 10 seconds later, the cashier of that open register announced “I can take the next guest!” 

Without missing a beat, a lady from a lane to the left of us moved towards the welcoming cashier. Understandable. But, so did lady number three. And, can I just say, she moved with a swiftness and force like something I’ve just not seen at a register. So much so that she rammed her cart into the customer who’d come from the left. I can’t say it was intentional. I also would not at all be willing to make a bet that it wasn’t. A true sight to behold. 

Now, on a normal day, meaning in life, not a Monday or a holiday, I’d probably feel what I’d venture most of you do ,too,  if you’re able to envision the interaction and collision. A sarcastic “Rude!” or “What’s wrong with her?” would undoubtedly be my dominant, and sinful, quick response to that. And, I wouldn’t at all seek to justify what really was an odd event to participate in and watch. But, instead of my typical rush to judgment about what kind of person this woman certainly was, my mind went to a genuine and soft “She must be having a really hard day.”

I struggle often to possess thankfulness for the “hard” part of the “hard days”. Amen? I’m working on it. I am, however, often grateful, when I’m able to see how the Lord is using the hard moments to grow in me a more merciful and gracious attitude with others who might be experiencing something I know nothing of. It’s a mercy and grace I’ve experienced time and time again; first and foremost from Christ, but even as of late from a lot of others.

As many of you may know, I attend free peer lead workouts through an organization called FiA. If you can get over the early morning time (which is easier than you think) this group is a wonderful community and genuine blessing. Each time you lead a FiA workout, as you close, you have the opportunity to share words of encouragement with the other women. This morning, having scheduled myself to lead, I couldn’t get out of my mind the incident with the lady at Target. Over and over, I thought about the somewhat famous quote that says “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind.” My decision to offer that woman at the register patience, rather than disdain,  stemmed from the reality that I myself have been fighting my own battle. 

And so, this morning, as I shared a more brief version of yesterday’s event, and the quote made famous by Ian Maclaren (admittedly, I don’t know who that is), I also shared one big reason that I’d chosen kindness over an alternative. 

“I’ve been having a really hard time.”

The statement was so simple, and yet, so very complex. It carried with it a great weight and more vulnerability than it might seem at just face value. Yet, the sharing of it, in a truly honest way, brought relief and release.  My voice cracked. As the words fell from my mouth, so did the tears from my eyes. I didn’t know they’d come and I certainly wouldn’t have chosen that.  But, I’m not at all sad they did. I think I needed them without even having realized it. 

You see, for a while now, I’ve been struggling under what I only know how to define as the weight of depression. And, I hate to say that “out loud”. Typically an open book, when it comes to the sharing of the weight one feels, (or that I feel) related especially to what could be deemed “mental health”, it can bring about so many well meaning, but not necessarily helpful responses. I’m more than aware of how guilty I am of this with others. I think we desire to fix things for those we love. A genuine and noble ambition. And there is certainly a place for honest examination of our hearts, much of that coming about as others help us review if there are sin patterns and struggles we need to change. I would never discourage this as part of the process. 

But sometimes, just sometimes, nothing in your life is off and you’ve checked all the boxes and still it feels like you’ve fallen in a deep hole and there is absolutely no way out. Sharing, then, that something is wrong when you know nothing is tangibly amiss can feel incredibly defeating and discouraging. 

Mental health. I cringed and felt anxious as I wrote those words. A once incredibly taboo topic to discuss, now it can often feel that you find nearly anyone diagnosed with a condition falling amongst this label wearing it like a badge of honor. Articles and memes that say “I take pills and I’m proud.” or “Ten things your depressed friend wants you to know.”  often flood my timeline. The pendulum on sharing has swung from one far end to the other. 

Now, sure, here I am, writing on my very public blog about a very real “mental health” struggle. Yet, what I won’t endeavor to do, at least for now and in this space, is share with you many of the risks I think can be found at both ends of that swing. There seems to be plenty and they don’t honor God. A caveat and, please, I beg, don’t misunderstand me. I’m strictly referring to the dangers that can come from hiding or boasting about these kinds of things. Therapy, medicine and sin versus science are all an entirely different arena. These convos, and more, however, are just something I’d much rather discuss with you in person, eating ice cream while staring at the ocean or drinking hot tea as we sink into a comfy couch. 

So what then, for today, is my point? Really….I guess…. my desire is to take steps towards my own healing. And words, like I noted at the beginning of this whole writing adventure, help me process the world around me – including my own. There was just such freedom in sharing so openly this morning. Writing it out here is another space that feels safe. Honest sharing, in all areas of my life, has always seemed to move me forward. Prayerfully, I’m also asking that the Lord might continue to use this heavy season to allow myself, and others, to know and love Him more. 

Still, I do pray for the healing of my mind, and soon. I continue to do my best to communicate with those closest to me, even if often the words to accurately describe what I’m really experiencing fail me. It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s just that I really don’t know how.  I’m fighting harder than it would appear to keep engaging instead of withdrawing.  I long to understand the difference between the sin and the science. My heart and my goal is to use godly wisdom and to make decisions that bring the most glory to Him. I’m confident that sometimes I fail. I’m grateful for God’s unending mercy and grace. 

For now, just know that I’m trying. At what? Sometimes I don’t know.  Give me grace when I’m slow to respond. Know that it really is me and not you when I just can’t. Pray with me and for me. Share with me how I can pray for you, too.  Trust with me that God is using this for his glory, far beyond anything I may ever understand this side of heaven. Trust him with the same for whatever battle you may be facing today, too. 

I’m not hopeless even if the weight has felt unending. I have a hope far greater than any understanding of where this is coming from or a sense of normalcy to life could bring. His name is Jesus. And some day, I will be with Him. I pray he is your greatest hope, too – even on the best of days.

Grown Up Christmas List

Remember the days when your Christmas list was endless? You made your list, you checked it twice and then you submitted it to Santa? If you’re like most kids, it probably even started a few hours after all the presents were opened on Christmas day, the year prior. It’s not that always that I wasn’t thankful for all the presents I received. Well, you know, except for the time my mom bought all of our clothes from Walmart. Being the snot we were, we had her return them. Sorry, again, Mom. Really, I think it was just the just enticing allure and excitement of what still could be!

My birthday is just under two months before Christmas and I think most of the members of our extended family love to shop early for things. It’s not that they enjoy giving any less than I do – they just possess more wisdom and restraint than I’ve been able to muster thus far. Because of the closeness in these two celebrations I’m often faced with making decisions about what to put on my list earlier than I would want to. I’m annoyingly particular. I like to save holiday money directed for me to put towards things I wouldn’t usually buy myself. The trouble is, I usually have a long list and need a good amount of time to decide which of the things I really want. The struggle can feel super real. 

“Do you remember me

I sat upon your knee

I wrote to you with childhood fantasies

Well I’m all grown up now

And still need help somehow

I’m not a child but my heart still can dream

So here’s my lifelong wish

My grown up Christmas list

Not for myself but for a world in need”

Do these lyrics ring a Christmas bell for you? The song, sung by a number of different artists has been around for a while and is one you might love, hate or love to hate. Either way, can we all get behind the fact that the writers had a good idea when they came up with the song  “Grown Up Christmas List”. In fact, it may be even easier for me to make one of my own than it is to fill and commit to things on the Amazon wish list I share with family and friends each year. 

A different form of fun facts, though some still lighthearted, I was inspired to create my own version, minus the singing – Because I can promise you don’t want that! Read on to see what I would wish  to check off of this year’s “Grown Up Christmas List.” 

  1. I wish every dog everywhere had a long, healthy life in a loving and comfortable home. Call it cheating but I’m going to include in this bullet point that I wish the same for people.
  1. I wish women understood that their value doesn’t come from being able to do the same things a man does. Someday, I really hope we can talk about this more.
  1. I wish “mom-guilt” didn’t exist. 
  1. I wish learning a new skill was easier. I tend to give up when I’m not great at something right away. Rooted for sure in my insecurity, I know I’ve missed out on a lot.
  1. I wish I could afford a housekeeper who also picked up the mess in my house before she cleaned it. 
  1. I wish I had  invested more deeply in my personal walk with the Lord much sooner in my life.
  1. I wish I could drink hot chocolate without fear of my pants shrinking and coffee without fear of my teeth turning brown. 
  1. I wish it was easier to share boldly about the faith I have in Christ. 
  1. I wish for those closest to me to fully believe and live as if nothing on this earth will ever satisfy the longings and dreams of their heart until they’ve first been fulfilled in Christ. I know it won’t make life easier. I also know it will make life better. I wish this truth for all of you, too. 
  1. I wish that I get to continue using this space for God’s glory and to connect with each of you. 

I want to know what you would include on your list! And because I love giving gifts, why not offer some extra motivation by trying to entice you with a giveaway? It is Christmas time, after all. 

Beanboozled, Green Wild Fable Crossbody bag, Christmas Tree Cakes, Holiday hand mask, Flair Candy Pop Pens, Treasuring Christ when Your Hands are Full by Gloria Furman, Just Do Something by Kevin DeYoung, ESV Illuminated Scripture Journal – Romans, Two 2022 Planners

To be entered to win (must complete all):

  • Fill out the image below and share it to your story or timeline – make sure you tag me!
  • Comment the names of 3 friends on my instagram post you want to read and fill it out, too!
  • All must be completed by 11:59pm on Thursday, December 16th!!
  • The winner will be announced on Friday, December 17th!!

Want more chances to win?

  • Follow @dotsanddoodles on Instagram (1 extra entry)
  • Share their account on your story (1 extra entry)
  • Comment more than 3 friends on my post!

Best of luck and I can’t wait to see your Grown up Christmas wishes!

Bowling and rolling and moving Forward.

Faithfully Walk

As I’ve planned out posts, and scheduled them for this space, I thought it would be helpful to share with you all a little more about my heart. Below you will find the third of four posts, spread out over the next few weeks, that invite you in to more of my vision this website.

I remember the time Matthew scored 300 in bowling. This is a perfect score for those who might not know. True, it was Wii bowling, but still, an exciting moment. Both of us animatedly acknowledged each strike until he got closer to a perfect round. Gradually, as we neared the end and as he readied to throw (…is that what you call it..?) we no longer cheered. Our unspoken hope was to not “jinx” his big victory. Finally, he rolled (nowwwww I remember), one final time, and all of the pins fell down!! While certainly not magical to everyone, for sure a fun moment for me to recall. 

I’ve never scored a 300 in bowling, but once I did score nearly a 180 in an actual game. You know, the kind played with a heavy ball on a wooden floor. I’m proud enough of that moment that it is chronicled somewhere in a Facebook album from the past. I do love any kind of bowling, though – the video game variety and the sport known, in part, for its less than fashionable shoes. They really couldn’t come up with a better design? Or at least colors? 

In college, at NC State, with a bowling alley located just across Hillsborough street there was an opportunity to take bowling for necessary PE credit. Throughout the class you learned various fundamentals of bowling, including where to stand, how to keep score anddddd lots more technical things, I am sure.  I just no longer recall those. That wasn’t the fun part, afterall.

The lanes in that super old bowling alley were certainly uneven. And I do not think I knew anyone in that class. For insecure me, this would have also been a handicap. Still, as the class progressed so did my skills. By the end of those weeks I was a much more confident bowler. Not a perfect score, but at least once, I even managed to pick up a pretty legit spare by knocking down significantly split pens. I wish those had been the days of fancy video camera phones. 

If you’ve perused the website at all or made your way to the what I’m reading page, you may have noted that I’ve been studying 2 Kings. Short context will be helpful here. The books of 1 and 2 Kings showcase a stream of different kings reigning throughout the divided nations of Israel and Judah. Each of these nations eventually fall and are judged because of their disobedience to God. These two tell of kings who are evil beyond comprehension and about many who seek to honor the Lord.  As you wind down the second book, we see two of Judah’s greatest kings and find the stories I’ve been camped out in for the last couple of weeks. 

Josiah, was only eight years old when he became king in Jerusalem (2 Kings 22:1). His father, Amon, had been an evil king but somehow, as is noted, Josiah was a king who did right in the eyes of the Lord. Eighteen years into his reign, as he sends men to repair the Temple, the Book of the Law is found. This would have been a part of the whole Bible we have today –  the Holy Scriptures, if you will. The importance to the people of God, however, would have been no less crucial. The Book of the Law was a written record of God’s covenantal relationship with His people. A treasure for them the same way the Holy Bible is a treasure now for God’s Church.

Continuing to read through chapters 22 and 23 we see Josiah’s response as he learns that this book has been found. We also learn about how he responds to it’s reading and the action he takes because of that. I’ve included below a few passages.

“When the king heard the words of the Book of the Law, he tore his clothes. And the king commanded Hilkiah the priest….saying, ‘Go, inquire of the Lord for me, and for the people, and for all Judah, concerning the words of this book that has been found. For great is the wrath of the Lord that is kindled against us, because our fathers have not obeyed the words of this book….”

2 Kings 22:11-12a, 13a

“Because your heart was penitent, and you humbled yourself before the Lord…I will gather you to your fathers, and you shall be gathered to your grave in peace, and your eyes shall not see all the disaster that I will bring upon this place.”

2 Kings 22:19a, 20b

In Chapter 23 we see Josiah go on to gather together all of Judah for a reading of the Book of the Law. The rest of the chapter chronicles the actions that are taken as Josiah leads out in responding to the Word of the Lord and has all of the idols, and all of those who lead in the worship of them, removed. There is a significant reform that takes place.

Josiah had encountered the true Lord and God. He had heard his word. Once this happened it was impossible for him to not respond. In fact, it brought about complete and total change. He now knew there was a better way and taking the time to learn this brought about a more full way of living. 

When that college bowling class began my goal was to get to the bowling – right away! Realistically, it was probably less than half the length of a semester we had to wait to truly bowl. Yet, the way I remember it was most of the time we spent learning instead of actually doing. Not nearly as much fun as how I imagined the PE class to be when I’d registered. The reality was that I had so very much that I needed to learn in order to most effectively practice the skill. And that learning, when put into practice, is undoubtedly what had enabled me to achieve a decently admirable score all those years ago. Practice makes perfect, right? Discipline in something usually leads us to a positive progression. 

If we have learned and accepted what it is to genuinely know God the next step is to be women who faithfully walk with him. Faithfulness alludes to a commitment. Walking, in general, is usually thought of as forward movement. 

 A true encounter with the risen Christ will lead to nothing less than a total transformation of our lives.

Our desire and determination will be focused on continuing to learn about and obey the one true God. Saved by faith and given the chance to know him is our greatest privilege. Not by works, or in other words, not done to save ourselves, our hearts will shift more and more with a longing to honor the One who has. 

But how do we know what honors Him? Well, the same that King Josiah did. 

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. 

2 Timothy 3:16-17 (ESV)

The Word of the Lord, the Scriptures, the Holy Bible, whatever you may call it, is a powerful tool and beautiful gift given to us to allow us to faithfully walk with God for a lifetime. Within it’s 66 books we see a glorious picture of the character and beauty of the true King. Throughout it’s pages we have a chance to fall more and more in love with Him. The study of our Bibles will allow us to know God, learn of his commands and understand how his ways really are the best – leading us to a transformed and better life.

This won’t come easy. That bowling class was fun but it still required effort. The fruit of it was cool but not lasting without more practice and study. The same will be true of our spiritual walks if we don’t immerse ourselves in his Word and then choose to act upon it.

I still love bowling. And competitive me really loves when those limited things I learned pay off and allow me to beat my husband at a game. But, even a 300 score would never offer lasting joy or fulfilling peace. To faithfully walk with God won’t secure our salvation – Christ has already done that. A commitment, however, to love the Word and respond as Josiah did will result in significant and obvious conversion of our lifestyles and our priorities. Idols and chains will fall. Our thoughts, our actions, our lives will bring due praise and glory to our King. And we will be confident that we lack no good thing.

My sweet friends, let’s embrace what it means to faithfully walk with God. Won’t you study God’s Word, seek to understand his commands and choose to follow Him in every area of our life? The transformation that comes will be life changing – necessary and promising forward movement. And what could be better than that? 

It’s almost Christmas and I love gifts! Stay tuned for the details about one more giveaway, coming next week, as we look to close out the year!

A Season For Celebrating

I was just a few months away from turning 26 when faced with an abrupt end to my longest dating relationship to that point. Nearly five years together but incredibly far from a dream, the relationship had been complicated, confusing, and frustrating for the both of us. I know the Lord did what was necessary to force us to move on. Still, the ending, for me, carried with it heavy feelings of devastation and loss. I was heartbroken at a deep, deep level. Even as I reflect while writing this, I can still feel the sting in my heart. I’m grateful it is no longer mourning the ending of the relationship, but it no less aches for the girl I picture in my head. She felt like she’d lost so much. She is me and that pain was so very real.

Less than a month after the end of that breakup, two of my college besties and lifelong friends called me using three-way. Remember those days? Before zoom and maybe even facetime, it was a novelty for us to have the chance to catch up together while living in three different places. Sarah and Mallory were each newly married and it was always fun to hear about their lives. On this particular day, they both had called to share some especially exciting news. Or for me, I guess what would’ve been at any other phase of our lives but then. 

Two babies! Each of them due just a month apart from each other,  both friends talked about the way their lives would move forward in a way I’d always imagined mine would. I did my best to celebrate and congratulate them (I really am so glad they called) but inside I felt like I was dying. The minute we hung up, the tears just overflowed. Their lives were progressing while I felt like mine had just run completely off the tracks. I wanted to be happy and somewhere deep down I was, but it was also so very hard.

It’s been more than 10 years since that phone call and I’ve only recently left my job working for a well known campus ministry – actually the one I met Sarah and Mallory through. In my first couple of years on staff with Cru, I had the privilege to see the Lord do a great work in the life of a good friend we will call Carrie. Carrie had come to college with a knowledge of the Lord but also with a lot of hurt related to the Church and its people. These hardships and heartaches allowed Carrie to erect a wall nearly a mile high between her and any interest in engaging with Christians or the Christian culture.

As God’s providence would have it, he placed Carrie with a roommate who followed the Lord and used this to draw Carrie into the Christian community. It started out when she visited an end of the year Christmas party. The next semester she joined us for our weekly bible study. After that, she also began to join us each week for the Cru large group meeting, eventually going on to serve as one of our student leaders! So many missing details here, but let me tell you, the Lord is good! 

Over the course of her time in Wilmington, Carrie and I would meet up on a regular basis. Even before she’d really surrendered her whole life to Christ, we would talk about faith and what she was reading in the Word. She was full of questions, full of hurts and open to learning and growing with me as we explored more together what it looked like to follow Christ.  

While I can’t remember all the details I do remember the night someone called to tell me that Carrie had decided to follow Christ. It was after a large group meeting I hadn’t attended. When the meeting was over, she had spent time sharing questions and doubts, with one of our other staff women, and finally surrendered her whole heart to Christ! On the phone, just as I had once done with Sarah and Mallory, I did my best to celebrate and rejoice! I really was so happy Carrie had confidently passed from death to life. Internally, though, I was disappointed and even irritated. How come the Lord hadn’t let me be the one who got to lead her to Christ? After all, it was me who had invested countless hours and effort fighting through some really tough things. 

Someone tell me that I’m not alone…?!

The book of John, found in the New Testament of the Bible, gives us a picture and portrayal of Jesus as the Son of God. Agreed upon as having been written by John, a disciple of Jesus, this is considered the last account written out of the four Gospels ( Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.) Covering much about the ministry of Jesus in Jerusalem, as he invested in the lives of others, in the passage below we read Jesus has now begun to baptize people as John had been doing. More specifically, these disciples of John have noted that many people are now going to Jesus for baptism instead of to John.

And they came to John and said to him, “Rabbi, he who was with you across the Jordan, to whom you bore witness—look, he is baptizing, and all are going to him.” John answered, “A person cannot receive even one thing unless it is given him from heaven. You yourselves bear me witness, that I said, ‘I am not the Christ, but I have been sent before him.’ The one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom’s voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete. He must increase, but I must decrease.”

John 3:26-30 (ESV)

Somewhat succinct, and in no way exhaustive, I’ll attempt to summarize more about what is happening here. Instead of the concern that the disciples of John feel, he reminds them that his ministering gifts are given to him by someone much greater. It’s not that he has been given no role; instead, much like the friend of the bridegroom, the purpose and attention from his ministry isn’t meant to go to him. John’s joy was complete because he knew that the right person, Jesus, was getting the glory and attention that he alone deserved. John’s goal had never been to make himself famous but rather to point others to Christ! People had found Christ and that’s what mattered

It’s understandable that I was torn between grief and celebration at 26 when facing both my breakup and my best friends’ new babies. But the moment that I learned Carrie had trusted in Christ is so very different. You see, I’m no longer defeated as I again think back to the fact that someone else got to witness this amazing work of the Holy Spirit. Instead, I’m embarrassed to recall how much I had made my time with her about me and the good work I was doing. I wanted to be a “good Christian” I guess, as if those even exist. I know that this has been true of my life in far too many instances. I chose not to worship the Lord and give glory to Him when He used and worked in others because I was too busy trying to gain my own fame.

We fight far too often to make ourselves famous. Sometimes, we just don’t even notice it. Plenty of times, though, we choose to ignore it. We long to see ourselves as significant and worthy because of who we know and what we can bring to the table. I believe this to be especially true when it comes to our personal and public ministries and the work of the Lord in and through others. 

Do you long for the spiritual giftings you see others have because they are more visible and therefore must be more valuable than your own? Have you ever compared the size of your healthy church to that of someone else’s? What about wondering why so many people attend your friends community group but only a few are invested in the one you lead? Do you ever feel jealous of the friendships you see others have formed with those around you?

Now, it’s not wrong for us to desire growth in our ministry and numbers certainly are one way we can reflect this. I absolutely think a longing for strong, Christ-centered friendships and community is a God given desire. And I most certainly believe that as we use our spiritual gifts to serve the local body and beyond we have the ability to live out our most fulfilled life in Christ!  

The problem enters in as we ache for our numbers to grow because we want others to see us as capable and special.  We neglect our own gifts and try to live out someone else’s because we’ve deemed whatever that calling is as so much more “worthy”.  Maybe we’ve never even asked the Lord to show us our gifts. Instead of looking to serve as mentors and friends to those right around us, we focus on ourselves, in pity, as we compare our friend groups to that of others. It would seem our regular instinct is to seek to control and even manipulate situations to make us look superior or better. I have lived crushed under the weight of this kind of life. I have absolutely been all these things.  What if, however, we spent more time acknowledging our Creator as the giver of all good things by celebrating not just our own giftings and ministries, but also of those around us? 

“He must become greater, I must become less.”

John got it. And I pray that I will, too. 

In a season known for its fullness of celebrations, would you cultivate with me the practice of celebrating others in a new way? Doing so will afford us just one more significant opportunity to praise and glorify God! I’m not at all saying we can’t mourn and grieve – we live in a world full of brokenness and sin. But, God. His glory is all around us. He is at work in the lives of our people; he is wooing our neighbors and prodding our coworkers. He has willingly invited and given to us this ministry of reconciliation. He has done the same for others. 

When we see the ministry of others growing, let’s cheer that He is developing them and that they are serving Him with obedience. We can know that they are living a more full life because they are depending on Christ. I pray that we would rejoice because we serve a redeeming and patient God. Let’s honor and even party as we watch lives and eternity altered when new believers enter into the Kingdom – regardless of who walks with them there. There is no doubt in my mind that He will make merry our hearts and drive us to better and better celebrations when we recognize a Holy and Gracious king has saved even the worst of sinners – like us!  

Last week, after posting an unplanned and bonus post on Wednesday, I decided to hold off on the next post in the Vision Series until this week. Tune in on Thursday to read the post on what it looks like to Faithfully Walk with God. And if you haven’t yet, make sure we are connected on Social Media and that you’ve subscribed to the blog! Another giveaway is coming SOON!

Come and die.

The sonogram is a picture of Della at 16 weeks. The second is Maggie within a minute of meeting her. My little women.

Last night, these two ladies were a handful. And that is putting it mildly. This season has been one that has required much – way more than I want to give on most days. More often than not, as I parent these children, I am met with complaints about every choice I make. They rarely miss an opportunity to remind me that I know nothing and most often I am left unthanked for all the areas of life I put on hold to do what they want instead. I love this job and know it is a treasured gift. I also spend many days not liking it. It is hard. 

But, God. 

Romans 5:8 tells us that while we were still living in sin – that is open, active, indifferent rebellion – against a holy, perfect King he came to die for us. For you and for me.

Want to know more? If we have trusted in Christ for salvation we have been called to live the same way. 

Philippians 2 tells us to have the same attitude Christ had. He didn’t hold on to his rights and privileges, though he was capable and the only one deserving of them. He also didn’t cry out to others advertising how he could take himself off but was choosing not to. He humbly died the death of a criminal. He alone deserved glory and praise. He instead submitted fully for the sake of others. He suffered and died in our place. 

Christ followers – we are not offered the option to do away with what will be hard for us. Instead, we are given to the gift of sharing in Christ’s suffering so that others too, may know him. We must humble ourselves. We need to willingly choose to come and die. 

This is the hope the world truly needs. The fulfillment we long for and believe will come from earthly freedoms has us more enslaved than we could even imagine. We live crushed under the weight of trying to find our identity and purpose. Our emptiness feels unending. But, if we are going to keep fighting for our “freedoms “we should never tune in to that. If we do, we must be certain we at least don’t let our humanity show.

Our laying down of our supposed rights and privileges offers to a desperate people around us a picture of the hope we possess in something far greater. We have something so much better than just the ability to “do what we want”. Eternal life and a heavenly kingdom promises us joy and wholeness. Waiting for us is reward far beyond the best we could imagine in this life. For the believer, that eternal life has already begun.

Most days I don’t want to parent. Most days I don’t want to do anything for anyone. I’m selfish. I like things my own way and I think I’m always right. Deep down, who of us doesn’t? 

But, God.

He has shown me a better way. My struggle against it is real but following Him wholly has offered abounding joy and greater purpose. I had no idea life could be this good. I could choose not to love and serve my little girls because that would be easier. Good grief, though, I’d also have missed out on the very best of my life.

I can only imagine the added responsibilities carried by those parents whose children have special needs. My heart aches for the moms and dads who are left to parent a child alone because of death, divorce or evil acts against them. There is no insignificant thing.

Still, each of those children is also no less made in the image of God. They possess worth and value that was given to them by the holy, perfect and intentional God who created them. The Bible tells us he knew them before they ever entered the womb. This did not and still does not change based on their age, their abilities or the circumstances that brought them here.

Don’t be fooled, believer and friend. The advertised right for women to be in charge of their bodies is a foolish facade and a sham of detrimental proportions. A human identity and value is not changed based on if we want them or not. Has our country not been set ablaze fighting against this same evil belief perpetuated against our friends of color? How can we be committed to fighting for this truth in one arena while actively seeking the freedom to do the same thing in another?

Inconvenience doesn’t change inherency. Difficulty doesn’t devalue.

Brokenness is no excuse to belittle.

Jesus has asked us to come and die. I’m convinced there is no better way. Don’t believe the lie. Lives are at stake – inside and outside of the womb.

Struggling with this belief? Do you have questions? If you have considered abortion or completed it, know that you are not alone. You are not without hope. Nor do you stand condemned! Lets connect. You are loved and treasured – by me and even more so by Christ.

The One where it all began.

I meant it wholeheartedly when I shared in my first post  that I use words to process the world around me. Sometimes, this means the big, cultural hot topics I’m doing my best to make sense of.  Other times, though, I’m just trying to cope and consider what is happening in my personal life. The first time I ever wrote a blog was for one such occasion. Facing what I thought could be the loss of one of my most important people, I needed a space to dialogue and think and grieve. 

My grandparents were an incredibly special blessing to my life. Some of the first godly examples I had deeply invested in me, they were formative in me knowing about Christ and deciding to follow Him from an early age. We even lived with them until around the age of 4. I share their wedding anniversary and I equally pray that my life and our marriage will leave behind the legacy of faithfulness to the Lord that they have. They stored up treasures in heaven and I’m beyond thankful for their example to me. 

The post I’ll share today is actually the first blog I ever wrote and shared with the world. Written about my grandparents, when my grandma was sick in the hospital, the fear was weighing heavy that we would be losing them soon.  God was gracious to give them (and us) each a few more years together and I am so very glad. If I could have chosen any two people to have met my future spouse it would’ve been my grandparents. I would have gladly wheeled my Papap down the aisle, to share with my dad, the honor of giving me away. While the Lord didn’t choose to write my story this way, he did intentionally provide when less than two months after my Papap died he gave me Matthew. While there is so much more I could share about that we will just have to save that story for a different day. For now, enjoy this look back at my first “real” attempt at writing and sharing publicly. 

“One boy fighting for one girl”

If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you – Winnie the Pooh

In real life, most people don’t meet the love of their life while posing as a high school student… and realistically, how many parents secretly hire someone to date their son? Not a chance I’m ever bumping into that cute guy I saw running at the beach later at the coffee shop and do I really expect the guy I’ve paid to attend a wedding with me to actually fall in love? Of course not!

Now, while I know not to expect Hollywood romances in this everyday world, it doesn’t keep me from thoroughly enjoying just about every love story and romantic comedy that hits the big screen. The list of movies I own or would call my favorites feature the exact same story, being called by a different name. Boy meets girl, some sort of drama or misunderstandings ensue, they work it out, fall in love, the end. The more predictable, the better I think the movie is! In fact, I whole-heartedly expect that things will go exactly as all happy endings should, and if the conclusion offers me anything short of the guaranteed “forever” kind of love, I pretty much consider the whole movie a waste!

I’ve always been a sucker for love stories, probably always will be. Most likely the reason why I love Valentine’s day so much! The cute scenarios and mishaps that eventually lead the couple to the fairy-tale ending are fantastic to watch, but the ending and knowing that the highlighted couple is going to be together forever is what makes it all worth it for me.

I didn’t know my great-grandparents very well -I was really young when they died. But, one story I’ve been told and one thing about them I’ll never forget is the love that they shared for one another. My great grandma prayed that she would live to see her 70th wedding anniversary, and she died either around or right on her 70th wedding anniversary. Now yes, I’ll admit, at first that sounds a little morbid, BUT when you really think about it, how cool is that?! When she said “I do” she meant forever and I can only imagine that because I know she and my great-grandpa loved the Lord that God totally honored her request. She literally spent an entire lifetime with the one she loved.

My grandma is two years older than my Papap and from what I’ve heard, she wasn’t interested in giving him the time of day when they first met. He must have been one handsome and charming 20-something because somehow he managed to break down all her initial opinions of him and score himself an older woman! 😛 And, after 58 years of marriage, much like my great-grandparents, they are well on their way to having spent their lives with their one true love.

My grandma is a lover of word search puzzles, an amazing gardener and when she cooked, made some of the best fried chicken and sticky white rice that I think I’ve ever eaten. By 7am on summer mornings, when we were little, she would be tickling our feet and telling us we were wasting the day away! Everyday, we ate lunch on tv trays in the living room, while watching an episode of Perry Mason, followed by CHiPs. At night, she would read Bible stories to us before bed, and though she might have inwardly, I never remember her flinching when we asked to her read the story about Peter in jail for the 100th evening in a row! She always kept a corkboard in her kitchen overflowing with pictures and postcards of foreign missionaries that she was continuously praying for.

My papap is a retired Christian and Missionary Alliance pastor and in his younger days, rumor has it, was also pretty good at baseball – the Cardinals are his favorite team. Singing is something he has always enjoyed; but don’t expect him to sing you a song, without stopping in the middle of it to tell you about his Savior and all the things that God has done for him. He enjoys late night snacks of ice cream or candy, and never passes up the chance to tell you one of the million good jokes he’s heard. In the middle of any given conversation, he’ll stop you so that he can take the time to pray for you, the future, or whatever it is that is going on.

They both love McDonalds and Cracker Barrel and the bags of mini-assorted candy bars. They love their friends and they really love their family. But, most importantly, they love Jesus, with all their heart. And it could only be because of this, that they’ve been able to weather 58 years of the storms of life together, and still be as much, if not more in love, than they ever have been.

Sadly, it seems the next storm of life has hit. My grandma has been confined to bed and unable to move as a result of a back injury from a fall. Compounded with her age and other complications going on, the doctor has said that treatments to help don’t seem to be working and she’s rapidly declining. My papap has suffered tremendously from the stress of worrying about the one he loves and is physically worn down. Additionally, he’s scheduled for a colonoscopy within the next week, and the doctors have said that based on the signs, we should be expecting the worst results.

While it’s hard to watch all of this going on, what I have seen more and more, is just the way these two people still love and need each other. “I need you” is what my grandma told my papap when we went to visit her in the hospital. My papap wasn’t satisfied until his wheelchair was sitting as close as possible to my grandma’s bedside. Like a line from the old country song by Shenandoah – I Wanna Be Loved Like That – that says “One boy fighting for one girl”…it’s as if I was able to see for the first time how much each of them really has gone down hill physically, and how much each of them is fighting for the other by still holding on. There’s no doubt in my mind that when one decides it’s finally time to let go, the other is going to be quick to follow. They can’t help it, they literally love each other so much, I know one won’t be able to live without the other. I can only hope that someday, should God choose to bless me with a husband and an earthly picture of His heavenly love, that after a lifetime of goods and bads, we are still fighting for each other until the very end.

I guess to finish, first, let me say that my papap and grandma are two of the most important people to me and I’m so thankful for the godly example they have been in my life, and I know so many others. Secondly, I would just ask that you would be praying for them. For strength, for health, for the time they have left here on this earth. The selfish part of me wants you to pray that they would be healed completely and live at least another few years; but, realistically, knowing what I know, just pray that whether they have one day left or one year left, that they are happy, comfortable, cared for, and able to be surrounded by their loved ones, as much as possible. And, myself, my family…. can have a peace knowing, that when it is time for them to leave this earth, that they’ll be happy in heaven, with no more aches or pains or heartaches, and they’ll be praising our God forever.

Join me again on Thursday for the next post in the Vision series where I share more about what it means to me to Faithfully Walk with God!

Friendship that’s more than a Phone Call.

Genuinely Know (Part 2)

As I’ve planned out posts, and scheduled them for this space, I thought it would be helpful to share with you all a little more about my heart. Below you will find the first of four posts, spread out over the next few weeks, that invite you in to more of my vision this website.

In sixth grade I had a good friend that we will call “Katie”. Now, it’s true, memory fails me a lot with little stories from my childhood so I can’t tell you a ton about the times we hung out. I do know there were sleepovers, shopping trips and I think even a trip to an amusement park. More than that, though,  I can tell you that I would have considered her my best friend. She was someone I really wanted to keep getting to know. With text messaging not an option and surviving middle school even before the days of AIM on AOL, the only way for us to talk when we weren’t together was on the phone.

Here’s the thing. I’ve never liked talking on the phone. I don’t mean the kind of phone call where you need to find out if a store sells something before you drive there or how much a ticket is. Those are fine; easy and convenient. But the idea of calling someone up “just to talk” somehow overwhelms me. What will we talk about? How long should the convo last? What if no one has anything to say? I am awkward. What if they feel awkward? My face is cringing even as I type this out. I’ve felt this way for as long as I can remember. 

Now, like I mentioned a second ago, while many of my childhood activities are hard to recall, of course I would have a clear memory of one particular sixth grade evening. Once again, I cringe, thinking about telling you the next part of this story.  It’s very safe to say that my awkwardness runs deep. Convinced I’d make Katie my friend forever, phone-phobic me decided that I was just going to have to call her. It was time to face my biggest fear.

Sitting on the floor of my bedroom, I armed myself with a little piece of paper and a pen. As I worked up the courage to call I also worked on scribbling out a list of things that we could talk about. School, boys and an upcoming trip would top the list. I had great confidence I’d be prepped and ready to ward off any difficulty in the conversation. Satisfied that there was no way this call wouldn’t last for hours, and I’m sure deep breathing, I picked up the phone and dialed. No doubt I was torn between the hope that she would answer and prayers that she would not. 

My friend Katie did in fact answer that night and we covered all that was on my list…..and more! Total conversation time? No more than five minutes. Womp womp womp. I laugh to myself thinking about it now. She was being interviewed without even knowing it.

Overall, my friendship with Katie ended up being incredibly surface level and as short as that phone call. Still, old fears die hard, and while not phone call related, when Matthew and I first got engaged a similar thought would often plague my mind. It’s probably that I was still traumatized by that night in sixth grade. Regularly, and also out loud (sorry, husband) it was not at all unusual for me to wonder how I might spend even ten years with anyone and still have something left to talk about. This thought wasn’t enough to scare me off from marrying Matthew, but the idea sure did fascinate me.

Last week, I shared the first of a series of posts based around my vision for this website. In The Greatest Gift, I focused on the primary way in which we must know God – that is grace, through faith in Christ’s sacrifice on the cross and belief in his resurrection..  This alone changes everything.  Surrender and acceptance of this truth is the most unbelievable thing that could ever happen to a sinner and the only way that we can enter into a relationship with the Father. 

I am convinced that after this, the next best thing we can do in our relationship is grow in our understanding of and knowing who God is. We must continue to get to know him and, unlike my fear before that phone call or as a newly engaged woman, we will never be able to exhaust all there is to know. His character and his promises are far beyond our comprehension. In fact, if they weren’t, he would not be God. 

I do wish I could intimately know all of your stories. I am certain that were we to sit down over coffee, the experiences of our lives would vary greatly. I’d hope we would tell of our victories and enjoy great laughs; I’d want to learn about your best friends, your husbands and your families. I’d love to know your favorite memory and pretty please, could we spill on our most embarrassing moments?  I’m also certain I cannot begin to fathom some of the questions, heartache and hurts many of you may also possess. In some trials, our stories would align; in others, you may know grief I never will. I’d be honored to carry that with you, too. While we cannot share all of those things, what we each possess, I pray, is a desire to know this God of ours more. What a privilege to not only learn about his character but to share in his sufferings. 

“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ….that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death”

Philippians 3:8,10 (ESV)

As I think about the events from the past and present that have shaped our lives,  I am supremely confident that the God who allowed each circumstance was present for them. In fact, I believe he is sovereign over them, loving through them and has absolutely never changed.  He made the good days and the bad days;  and, I know this, because he has told me all of this about himself, and so much more, in his Word. He is worthy of worship and he alone is King. Knowing Him is my greatest privilege.

1 Let the godly sing for joy to the Lord;
    it is fitting for the pure to praise him.
2 Praise the Lord with melodies on the lyre;
    make music for him on the ten-stringed harp.
3 Sing a new song of praise to him;
    play skillfully on the harp, and sing with joy.
4 For the word of the Lord holds true,
    and we can trust everything he does.
5 He loves whatever is just and good;
    the unfailing love of the Lord fills the earth.

6 The Lord merely spoke,
    and the heavens were created.
He breathed the word,
    and all the stars were born.
7 He assigned the sea its boundaries
    and locked the oceans in vast reservoirs.
8 Let the whole world fear the Lord,
    and let everyone stand in awe of him.
9 For when he spoke, the world began!
    It appeared at his command.

10 The Lord frustrates the plans of the nations
    and thwarts all their schemes.
11 But the Lord’s plans stand firm forever;
    his intentions can never be shaken.

12 What joy for the nation whose God is the Lord,
    whose people he has chosen as his inheritance.

13 The Lord looks down from heaven
    and sees the whole human race.
14 From his throne he observes
    all who live on the earth.
15 He made their hearts,
    so he understands everything they do.
16 The best-equipped army cannot save a king,
    nor is great strength enough to save a warrior.
17 Don’t count on your warhorse to give you victory—
    for all its strength, it cannot save you.

18 But the Lord watches over those who fear him,
    those who rely on his unfailing love.
19 He rescues them from death
    and keeps them alive in times of famine.

20 We put our hope in the Lord.
    He is our help and our shield.
21 In him our hearts rejoice,
    for we trust in his holy name.
22 Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord,
    for our hope is in you alone.

-Psalm 33 (ESV)

I still remember sitting at my desk, sophomore year of college, when I read verse six of this Psalm for the first time. At that moment, I was blown away by the majesty of God!  Imagine it – he spoke and the heavens were created; he breathed the word and all the stars were born. I can politely ask orrrrrr agitatedly yell, and still, it’s rare that I can convince my children to obey the first time. God, however, created the stars in effortless fashion and a display of astounding power.  Reading the entire passage, I continue to be amazed by all that our great God is.   Nestled within these twenty-two verses are references to the amazing character of this God – a God that has made a way for us to genuinely know Him through his Word. 

As Matthew and I approach year nine of marriage and it’s safe to say the words are still flowing. I have great confidence now, even after all this time together, that we’ve only scratched the surface of all that we might know about one another. The reality is there are still so many things worth knowing.  It isn’t that I’m always hearing new stories or learning new fun facts. Most of what he tells me now I’ve already learned.  What I continue to gain, instead,  is a clearer picture of how he sees and responds to the world around him. To say it more plainly  – I understand more about his character.

He has great patience with undeserving sinners (our kids, of course). I’ve seen his generosity to others and been a recipient of  his selfless service, even in the most trying of situations. I am certain that as we grow older, and life brings more blessings and trials, that this genuine knowing of my husband will allow our relationship to not just survive, but thrive, as we face whatever the Lord allows. This won’t just happen, though. I must faithfully pursue this knowledge.

The same is true in our relationship with God. Through his Word, through prayer, and through fellowship with other believers we will have the opportunity to know the Lord more and more. Our continued endeavor to do these things will showcase, to us and others, more of God’s glory and his character. We will experience more and more of his presence and we will grow in our ability to see the world and others around us like he does. This knowing of God is invaluable and will be required for us to continually walk faithfully with Him for a lifetime.

God is infinitely better than the most admirable human we know. He is much more faithful than our most loyal friend. He desired to know us so very much that he willingly gave up his own son. To follow Christ means our lives will be better because God’s way is always best. Better won’t always mean easier. It certainly will be more joyful and fulfilling. 

When God does something differently than we had hoped or planned, I pray that you know that he is trustworthy . He possesses power that is unimaginable for small, little humans like us. Our world around us may often feel like it’s in a constant state of change and heartache, but our God is eternal, unshakeable, unchanging. God is Creator, watching over us and knowing each of us better than even we could ever know ourselves .  He loves us, protects us, and is truly our only hope. Isn’t it humbling as we recognize that he invites us to learn even more. 

An authentic relationship, one where we faithfully seek to know God, ensures that come rest by still waters or climbs from dark valleys we will trust in his ways, worship him faithfully and make his name known among all nations! 

How will you pursue knowing our holy God, and his character,  more intimately today? 

Enjoying this website? Encouraged to know the Lord more? Would you consider adding a comment and sharing your favorite posts with others to help grow this community and ministry?

Ten Useless Things to Know about Me

I once ate a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts, at one sitting, just to see if I could. 

Mind you, I completed this accomplishment in less than 12 minutes and there was no potty hugging involved after. Yes, as a matter of fact, I am pretty proud of all of that! 

What an odd thing to welcome you back with. Maybe you’re appalled, you could be impressed or most are probably indifferent because you already knew that about me. Either way – It means a lot that you’re here…well, “here”…joining me again on this very new and still somewhat impersonal website. Realistically speaking, I’m sure most of you are someone I already know. Even more likely you’re someone I’ve hung out with recently. But there’s still a chance some of you are new friends. The potential of that is super exciting! 

No matter who you are, I’m oh so grateful for your support and looking forward to us growing and learning together.

Now, it’s true that many of my dreams and plans surrounding the content of this website are centered around more “serious” and spiritual conversations.  Still, that doesn’t mean that I don’t like to have a little fun. And I love, love, LOVE learning fun facts about people. You know, those silly quirky things –  like that you touch your food to your chin before taking a bite (Everybody Loves Raymond, anyone?), or that you’ve seen every Hugh Jackman movie ever. Maybe it’s that you’ve never even worn tennis shoes or you once had a prize winning pumpkin weighing more than 200 pounds. It could be just about anything! But these things, they add up to tell a lot about each of us, and, in many ways, I think they are the things that make us relatable.  

Now, of course I’m not saying I think all of you share my desire to overindulge on maybe one of God’s greatest gifts. I would, however, be willing to bet that you can relate to at least one of the things that you learned about me just from that one fun fact. I get hungry. I like sweets. Sometimes, okay, more than just sometimes, I make some questionable decisions. 

I want us to learn and grow – together. In other words – I’m hoping to form some level of community with all of you . One definition of the word defines community as “a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals”. That’s something I want more of in my everyday life and that is also something I’d love to create space for here! Part of what will bond us is getting to know each other in various funny and also, deep ways. What’s the harm in starting by sharing some of the peculiar and unique things that make us both completely original, and totally normal?!

Now, I’ll have to go first, but only because I’m writing this before you’ll ever read it. And that’s kindddd offff the only way this would actually work. But, I don’t want it to stop there! That’s not how we build relationships and it would never lead us to fellowship. Won’t you read on? But not just for a chance to know more about me! At the end of this post I’ve also shared an opportunity for you to tell us more about yourself, to engage more with others and to be entered to win a pretty sweet giveaway. I can’t wait to see what you guys dish out and I look forward to more and more fun together! 

Ten Useless Things To Know About Me

  1.  I’ve never watched any of the Star Wars or Lord of the Rings Movies. I also hope I never have to. It is what it is and I am who I am. 
  1. Ninety-nine percent of the time I can’t feel good about squishing a bug – yes, I even mean roaches. Yep, even those I occasionally find in my house. I’d like to believe this makes me a lot like a Disney Princess.
  1. I don’t really have an itch to travel. There is no longing, ache or big dreams of seeing all the fascinating places the world has to offer. Don’t hear me saying that I wouldn’t gladly take a free trip or that I’ve never traveled; I’ve been fortunate to spend time traveling domestically and abroad. And I know there are more sights and cities that would absolutely be so cool to see. They just aren’t the kinds of things I would add to a bucket list.
  1. I’m allergic to neoprene. Weird, right? My wetsuit makes me so itchy, when worn without a liner, and I can no longer wear a running armband because my skin will swell underneath it. 
  1. Go ahead and mark your calendars for January 16th because it’s “National Nothing Day”!  February 11th has been dubbed “Make a Friend Day” and have you heard that in March we celebrate “Waffle Day”? I am planning to celebrate each of them and so many more. Call me a  sucker, but I have a great appreciation for the abstract, silly and just ridiculously odd “holidays” that are celebrated all throughout the year. 
  1. Sunrises are better than sunsets.
  1. My husband, Matthew, and I met on May 5th, 2012. We would say we pretty much started dating the next day, I remember us talking about marriage a month later, and on May 10th, 2013 – what would’ve been my grandparents 62nd anniversary – we officially became “The Spivey’s”!
  1. I’m an introvert who loves people.
  1. In the last six months, I left one great job for another and then that great job to stay at home. I’m now happily unemployed as “just mom”. What a simple and complicated statement. 
  1. Sitting alone at a favorite coffee shop or enjoying a backyard bonfire with friends tie for two of my absolute favorite pastimes. 

Did you make it through them all? What things do we share and what ones can you not believe? If nothing else, I hope you’ve found that I’m as normal as they come and I think that’s what would make us great friends. 

Let’s get a head start on that holiday coming up (Make a Friend Day for those who already need a refresher) and help myself and others learn more about you,too! In the process, you’ll be entered to win what I think is a pretty sweet giveaway! Just use the image below to tell me more about you and follow the instructions to share it and be entered to win! 

Behold Your God Bible study by Myrna Alexander, The Theology Handbook and Attributes of God cards by The Daily Grace Co, Just Pray and Doxology Framed Art Prints, Eat Your Broccoli/Read Leviticus Sticker, Christmas ornament

Giveaway Rules:

  • Save the template below and fill out three fun facts about yourself.
  • Post your filled out facts to your instagram story or Facebook timeline. Make sure you tag me!
  • By “your turn” tag three friends you want to fill it out too!
  • All items must be completed by 11:59pm on Thursday, November 25th to be entered in the giveaway.
  • The winner will be announced on Friday, November 26th!

BEST OF LUCK!!!