A Season For Celebrating

I was just a few months away from turning 26 when faced with an abrupt end to my longest dating relationship to that point. Nearly five years together but incredibly far from a dream, the relationship had been complicated, confusing, and frustrating for the both of us. I know the Lord did what was necessary to force us to move on. Still, the ending, for me, carried with it heavy feelings of devastation and loss. I was heartbroken at a deep, deep level. Even as I reflect while writing this, I can still feel the sting in my heart. I’m grateful it is no longer mourning the ending of the relationship, but it no less aches for the girl I picture in my head. She felt like she’d lost so much. She is me and that pain was so very real.

Less than a month after the end of that breakup, two of my college besties and lifelong friends called me using three-way. Remember those days? Before zoom and maybe even facetime, it was a novelty for us to have the chance to catch up together while living in three different places. Sarah and Mallory were each newly married and it was always fun to hear about their lives. On this particular day, they both had called to share some especially exciting news. Or for me, I guess what would’ve been at any other phase of our lives but then. 

Two babies! Each of them due just a month apart from each other,  both friends talked about the way their lives would move forward in a way I’d always imagined mine would. I did my best to celebrate and congratulate them (I really am so glad they called) but inside I felt like I was dying. The minute we hung up, the tears just overflowed. Their lives were progressing while I felt like mine had just run completely off the tracks. I wanted to be happy and somewhere deep down I was, but it was also so very hard.

It’s been more than 10 years since that phone call and I’ve only recently left my job working for a well known campus ministry – actually the one I met Sarah and Mallory through. In my first couple of years on staff with Cru, I had the privilege to see the Lord do a great work in the life of a good friend we will call Carrie. Carrie had come to college with a knowledge of the Lord but also with a lot of hurt related to the Church and its people. These hardships and heartaches allowed Carrie to erect a wall nearly a mile high between her and any interest in engaging with Christians or the Christian culture.

As God’s providence would have it, he placed Carrie with a roommate who followed the Lord and used this to draw Carrie into the Christian community. It started out when she visited an end of the year Christmas party. The next semester she joined us for our weekly bible study. After that, she also began to join us each week for the Cru large group meeting, eventually going on to serve as one of our student leaders! So many missing details here, but let me tell you, the Lord is good! 

Over the course of her time in Wilmington, Carrie and I would meet up on a regular basis. Even before she’d really surrendered her whole life to Christ, we would talk about faith and what she was reading in the Word. She was full of questions, full of hurts and open to learning and growing with me as we explored more together what it looked like to follow Christ.  

While I can’t remember all the details I do remember the night someone called to tell me that Carrie had decided to follow Christ. It was after a large group meeting I hadn’t attended. When the meeting was over, she had spent time sharing questions and doubts, with one of our other staff women, and finally surrendered her whole heart to Christ! On the phone, just as I had once done with Sarah and Mallory, I did my best to celebrate and rejoice! I really was so happy Carrie had confidently passed from death to life. Internally, though, I was disappointed and even irritated. How come the Lord hadn’t let me be the one who got to lead her to Christ? After all, it was me who had invested countless hours and effort fighting through some really tough things. 

Someone tell me that I’m not alone…?!

The book of John, found in the New Testament of the Bible, gives us a picture and portrayal of Jesus as the Son of God. Agreed upon as having been written by John, a disciple of Jesus, this is considered the last account written out of the four Gospels ( Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.) Covering much about the ministry of Jesus in Jerusalem, as he invested in the lives of others, in the passage below we read Jesus has now begun to baptize people as John had been doing. More specifically, these disciples of John have noted that many people are now going to Jesus for baptism instead of to John.

And they came to John and said to him, “Rabbi, he who was with you across the Jordan, to whom you bore witness—look, he is baptizing, and all are going to him.” John answered, “A person cannot receive even one thing unless it is given him from heaven. You yourselves bear me witness, that I said, ‘I am not the Christ, but I have been sent before him.’ The one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom’s voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete. He must increase, but I must decrease.”

John 3:26-30 (ESV)

Somewhat succinct, and in no way exhaustive, I’ll attempt to summarize more about what is happening here. Instead of the concern that the disciples of John feel, he reminds them that his ministering gifts are given to him by someone much greater. It’s not that he has been given no role; instead, much like the friend of the bridegroom, the purpose and attention from his ministry isn’t meant to go to him. John’s joy was complete because he knew that the right person, Jesus, was getting the glory and attention that he alone deserved. John’s goal had never been to make himself famous but rather to point others to Christ! People had found Christ and that’s what mattered

It’s understandable that I was torn between grief and celebration at 26 when facing both my breakup and my best friends’ new babies. But the moment that I learned Carrie had trusted in Christ is so very different. You see, I’m no longer defeated as I again think back to the fact that someone else got to witness this amazing work of the Holy Spirit. Instead, I’m embarrassed to recall how much I had made my time with her about me and the good work I was doing. I wanted to be a “good Christian” I guess, as if those even exist. I know that this has been true of my life in far too many instances. I chose not to worship the Lord and give glory to Him when He used and worked in others because I was too busy trying to gain my own fame.

We fight far too often to make ourselves famous. Sometimes, we just don’t even notice it. Plenty of times, though, we choose to ignore it. We long to see ourselves as significant and worthy because of who we know and what we can bring to the table. I believe this to be especially true when it comes to our personal and public ministries and the work of the Lord in and through others. 

Do you long for the spiritual giftings you see others have because they are more visible and therefore must be more valuable than your own? Have you ever compared the size of your healthy church to that of someone else’s? What about wondering why so many people attend your friends community group but only a few are invested in the one you lead? Do you ever feel jealous of the friendships you see others have formed with those around you?

Now, it’s not wrong for us to desire growth in our ministry and numbers certainly are one way we can reflect this. I absolutely think a longing for strong, Christ-centered friendships and community is a God given desire. And I most certainly believe that as we use our spiritual gifts to serve the local body and beyond we have the ability to live out our most fulfilled life in Christ!  

The problem enters in as we ache for our numbers to grow because we want others to see us as capable and special.  We neglect our own gifts and try to live out someone else’s because we’ve deemed whatever that calling is as so much more “worthy”.  Maybe we’ve never even asked the Lord to show us our gifts. Instead of looking to serve as mentors and friends to those right around us, we focus on ourselves, in pity, as we compare our friend groups to that of others. It would seem our regular instinct is to seek to control and even manipulate situations to make us look superior or better. I have lived crushed under the weight of this kind of life. I have absolutely been all these things.  What if, however, we spent more time acknowledging our Creator as the giver of all good things by celebrating not just our own giftings and ministries, but also of those around us? 

“He must become greater, I must become less.”

John got it. And I pray that I will, too. 

In a season known for its fullness of celebrations, would you cultivate with me the practice of celebrating others in a new way? Doing so will afford us just one more significant opportunity to praise and glorify God! I’m not at all saying we can’t mourn and grieve – we live in a world full of brokenness and sin. But, God. His glory is all around us. He is at work in the lives of our people; he is wooing our neighbors and prodding our coworkers. He has willingly invited and given to us this ministry of reconciliation. He has done the same for others. 

When we see the ministry of others growing, let’s cheer that He is developing them and that they are serving Him with obedience. We can know that they are living a more full life because they are depending on Christ. I pray that we would rejoice because we serve a redeeming and patient God. Let’s honor and even party as we watch lives and eternity altered when new believers enter into the Kingdom – regardless of who walks with them there. There is no doubt in my mind that He will make merry our hearts and drive us to better and better celebrations when we recognize a Holy and Gracious king has saved even the worst of sinners – like us!  

Last week, after posting an unplanned and bonus post on Wednesday, I decided to hold off on the next post in the Vision Series until this week. Tune in on Thursday to read the post on what it looks like to Faithfully Walk with God. And if you haven’t yet, make sure we are connected on Social Media and that you’ve subscribed to the blog! Another giveaway is coming SOON!